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One-Year Anniversary Special With Rocky Garza

• Courtney Twiss • Episode 52

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Imagine transforming your career by aligning your personal convictions with your professional ambitions. This episode celebrates our one-year anniversary by welcoming the insightful Rocky Garza, a transformative keynote speaker and leadership coach, who shares how authenticity and vulnerability can revolutionize leadership. Rocky provides a fresh perspective on building genuine personal connections to enhance professional relationships, especially in fields where trust is paramount. His compelling insights offer a blueprint for creating a meaningful and successful career, emphasizing how personal experiences can be a bridge to building trust.

Rocky takes us through his personal journey from being a camp counselor to a pastor, and eventually an entrepreneur. He candidly shares the challenges of vulnerability, the drive for deeper connections, and how these experiences led to a successful photography business. His story is a testament to the power of embracing change and leveraging diverse experiences to create a vocation that merges ministry, entrepreneurship, and a passion for helping others. This narrative is not just about professional transitions; it's about unlocking potential and discovering a path that integrates purpose and leadership.

In our exploration of personal growth coaching, we uncover strategies to overcome limiting beliefs that hold you back. Rocky advocates for a long-term commitment, offering individualized guidance to help you chart your own path. We challenge listeners to reflect on the stories and narratives that have shaped their identities, urging a reevaluation of self-talk and internal dialogues. By confronting these personal stories, we can transform self-doubt into self-assurance and focus on the truth of who we are, ultimately realizing our potential and creating a lasting impact in both personal and professional realms.

To get your free e-book, visit: https://rockygarza.com/confidence

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Speaker 1:

And most of our listeners are real estate agents, entrepreneurs, ooh, what's in the drink, like I mean, what's the tea drink?

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's Noon. Electrolytes.

Speaker 3:

Oh nice, I said mom liked it. And the third cup of coffee that I just finished.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Welcome back to the Now Podcast Making Moves in Real Estate. Today we're celebrating a huge milestone. Courtney, tell our listeners what's today? Our one-year anniversary episode? Yes, so to mark this special occasion, we have an extraordinary guest named Rocky Garza. Rocky is a transformative keynote speaker, trusted advisor to eight-figure CEOs, an accomplished leadership coach. For over a decade, he's been empowering individuals and teams to break through limits, rediscover their core and lead with authenticity. With a communications degree from Texas A&M we love Texas Rocky has worked with powerhouse companies like Zillow, Microsoft, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, guiding leaders to align their strengths with values, with their values, and lead with bold confidence. So in this episode today, Rocky's going to dive into how vulnerability and authenticity aren't just buzzwords. They're game changers. He's going to share powerful insights and tools to help you step into your true self and create lasting impact, whether in business or life. So, whether you're here to level up your leadership, business or mindset, you don't want to miss this episode. No pressure, Rocky. I like bringing the heat, but welcome.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you, thank you. I so appreciate the chance to be here with you and if you're listening to be with you and hey, it's, it's never 52. So if there was ever a day to bring the heat, today's that day.

Speaker 3:

Today is the day we cannot wait to hear more about you and your story and get some insight for our listeners. I've been listening to your podcast to get in some. Thank you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so tell our listeners who you are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so, uh, my name is Rocky. Um, I don't have hair and I have big eyebrows, so, whether the glasses or not, I'm easy to find. Check me out there on the webs. Um, I think for me the most important or valuable thing is, um, I have been married to my wonderful wife. It'll be 16 years this year.

Speaker 2:

I have two incredible kids, um, a nine-year-old and a six-year-old nine-year-old boy, six-year-old girl. They are awesome and if there's ever anything in life to teach you something, it is a child of your own to reflect back to you everything you think no one can see. They will, in fact, show you that they can see everything that you don't think you like about you. So that's neither here nor there, but I think that's a significant part, and I say that because, yes, I'm a speaker and a coach and so on. That's just how I have been extremely fortunate to sort of take my life experience, what I've seen. I think I'm somebody that, even though it's not always great for business, I'm I don't know that I'm an expert in much, but I do have a lot of experience. And so I think, and as I look at life, as I look at where we're going, how do you support someone. How do you sort of create the environment to allow someone to see or be seen? They're interested in the things that you have either experienced or you are currently experiencing. Rarely is anyone ever impressed by your expertise, unless you just happen to be like the singular expert. Then for sure we're listening, but if we're all honest with ourselves, that's probably not most of us. So, therefore, how do we take our experiences and really allow that to be the guide to go?

Speaker 2:

We're just looking to connect with each other. We want to be seen, we want to be known, we want to believe there's something unique about us, it's valuable, and we just hope anybody else in the world will go hey, you know what, courtney, I I see that in you, you know, michelle, like there's something about like, if we can get to that moment, typically, whatever goal we want to achieve personally and professionally in our business as an entrepreneur and corporate, it doesn't matter where we are. That's the thing that we're looking for, right? I know in the industry that you all are in, uh, there's been plenty of memes out there that I'm sure, as a real estate agent, that we have found reading about ourselves to go like you know what? What do we need them for? It's just a piece of paper, it's just a. You know I can. I can negotiate myself. I can't whatever all the things people want to say that they don't, they don't think that it's valuable or usable to go away.

Speaker 2:

Now we're looking for a human being to connect with, because many of us are making the single greatest largest decision I've ever made in our entire life. I trust that you can do your job, because that's what I'm hoping that you're here for is you're capable. I'm looking to find somebody that I could deeply connect with. So when it gets really hairy at the end and I'm unsure and I sort of have panic and I'm not, I don't know, and the inspection isn't the way that I thought and I I'm not. I'm not expecting you to be an inspection expert. I'm hoping you to have the kind of experience that you have seen someone like me feel like me. One, I don't feel alone and two, I feel like you're somebody that I can trust, and so I think in my job.

Speaker 2:

My job is to help individuals, team leaders, executives, business owners. How do we see and discover that? And what we would say is how do we marry our personal conviction with our professional ambition. How do we find the intersection of a deeply meaningful life and a wildly successful career? And I think every human being has that intersection. I think, typically, though, we get on social and we chase that intersection that somebody else got, that we think will make us happy. We build our house on that street, no pun intended, and then we wonder why we're dissatisfied.

Speaker 3:

Wow. So, and I would assume some of that ties into your philosophy of needing to be open to being vulnerable and being authentic in order to find bridge that gap.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I think so. You know, I think I want to steal a little bit of this. It's it's sort of like a half Rocky, half Brene Brown definition. So I came from as her sort of she's maybe my spirit guide here, and then sort of take my own thing, like if we could, if we could, if we could for today, say we're going to have a working definition of vulnerability, which is defined as creating the opportunity to see and be seen by others. Then I think that sort of the gateway, like that juncture there, that's where all the good work happens, like not putting all your ish on the table for everyone to see, not showing your deepest, darkest secrets to every person we meet, so we hope that they like us, but that doesn't build connection for most of us. Every person we meet, so we hope that they like us, and that's not. That doesn't build connection for most of us.

Speaker 2:

However, creating the opportunity to see and be seen means I have to show up and say, if I'm going to put on a mask at some point it's going to fall off. So I might as well show up and be me. And then what's the environment that I'm creating, opportunity I'm creating for Courtney and Michelle to both say like we also just want to show up and be us too. But when we create that space, vulnerability exists because there's no pretense where I feel like I have to be something in order for it to be seen. I have to be something in order for someone to approve of me. I have to be something for someone we get crazy here. I have to be something for someone to love me. That's typically relationships. Pick a category you want to Struggle when one or both parties tend to not allow themselves to be seen and the default of that is that I can no longer see you. And then we wake up the next amount of time and realize it's not where we thought it would be. I would say, if we find a way to get back to the root of vulnerability, we could do a lot of good work. Now I'll be very clear. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a counselor. Don't take my advice I but sometimes I counsel or don't take my advice. I'm just saying from my personal experience I think I think there's a lot to that Um, and so I think it's sort of sort of my job and I think scrap that to go like my own personal conviction, like I spent my whole life. I spend my whole life wanting to be seen. I want to be known. I want to be loved. I want to feel like I'm creating value.

Speaker 2:

I I went to 13 schools before I graduated high school. My parents got divorced when I was young. My mom's been married four or five times. I didn't realize the first day of school meant like the first day of school until I was in seventh grade. Like I thought first day of school meant like the first day out of school because it had always been my first day out of school, right. So like and I don't say like not to be sad like I'm 41, been to a lot of therapy, I'm feeling okay, all right. So it's not like a sad story, it's just a story. But I get all of that.

Speaker 2:

I think, if we sort of take our step back, regardless of our profession, how we perform at work is a direct reflection of how we perform as a human. We like to go and go get my skillset right for my job so that I could do it better. I really, though. If you're struggling, it's probably due to lack of connection. Lack of connection is probably due to lack of conversation. Lack of conversation is probably due to lack of curiosity. Lack of curiosity is probably due because we're kind of afraid that someone's going to ask us a question and we're going to have to answer it and we don't currently like the answer. So we tend to not ask questions and then we tend to not have leads and then we tend to not have closings. So it's all for me, pick an industry. It's all woven and tied together.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So I want to know. I have like all kinds of questions. I mean you touched on a little bit of your vulnerability, on your background, but like how long have you been doing this? What got you into it? You know, obviously you just touched on that, you don't have a psychology degree or whatever, but you obviously have some experience. But what, what got you into this coaching role?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. So I, um, I graduated college and I went to a place uh out in in East Texas called sky ranch. It's a summer camp for kids. Um, I went there as a counselor while I was in college In 2004,. I was a counselor there the next summer. I graduated in 05, I got asked to come back and be full-time staff and so I was like out of college, no resume, guaranteed job at a fun camp, $24,000 a year, sign me up. So I opted to go do that as my first job right out of college. But it was an incredible experience, learned a ton.

Speaker 2:

I was, I was 21, uh, and went from my college to then like, being tasked hey, this summer you have 150 college kids you're in charge of and 3000 kids students. Good luck out there, we'll see, and we see it. So, like, maybe not a great thing for the camp, uh, but it was awesome for me. So that was sort of like my intro into wait, I care about people. I'm I'm kind of good at building connections with people. Now, at the time, I thought I was fantastic at it. Come to realize I was very good at disclosure and very bad at vulnerability, but we'll come back to that in a second. But I realized I was good at disclosure. I was good at building short-term kind of quick hit connection, and that seemed to suffice to be pretty good at 21, 22 at a camp and a lot of responsibility. If you can connect with people, you can do a good job. So that was my first gig. I did that for about four years.

Speaker 2:

I actually left there, came back to Dallas in 2008. And I joined the pastoral staff at a church here in Dallas. So I was actually a pastor for a while. Technically, the camp I was at it was a faith-based camp as well, so I was actually a pastor on pastoral staff, if you will, vocationally my first career. And then my transferred over and was a pastor to church. I did that for about three and a half years or so, realized during that time that I was an asshole and that I cared way more about you liking me than I cared about teaching you about God.

Speaker 2:

And again, did I have that level of clarity? Then? I was 26 and had a faux hawk and one tattoo. No, we know that's not the case. That really wasn't the amount of clarity I had. However, I had enough clarity to know this is going to be a bad idea. Because about three and a half years in, I got offered a teaching pastor job. Big church, a few thousand people hey, we're going to. We'd love to come with transition, be a teaching pastor and if you'll just preach 26 weekends a year, that's what we want your job to be.

Speaker 2:

So at the time, like podcasting had just just come out right. This was 2009,. 2010, in 2010, which you know RIP that podcast. I wish I'd have kept that. We'd be a lot better off now. But we know we had a podcast then, but no one will listen. The six people who knew how to get to it could listen to it. But then it realized like I just don't think this is it.

Speaker 2:

And so it was kind of this like weird juncture of like I love my belief, I love my faith, I love what I've done, I just because it makes perfect sense my wife and I started a photography business and that was more like my wife had quit her job. We had been doing photography as a hobby, we had just gotten married. We had been married about a year, no kids, no debt. We lived in an apartment. We're like let's just see what happens. She didn't like her job and I was ready to do something else, and so that's kind of, if you want to look at, like, what is the last 16 years of marriage been like, take that as a snapshot. That's kind of how we roll. So, like you know what, forget it. We don't know anything about small businesses. We should start our own. And so we started photography business back in 2010. We actually were full-time wedding photographers for about five and a half years and shot about 40 weddings a year. It was really fun.

Speaker 2:

We got really lucky. If we're being really honest, like Pinterest was invented while we were photographers, instagram was invented while we were photographers. Personal branding became a thing. So, like we got very, very lucky in our own being naive that we're like you know we could do. We could call it Sarah and Rocky photography and then we'll do what we want, you know. And the market was like, ah, personal branding unbelievable. We love you. So like, not not on purpose, just got really lucky.

Speaker 2:

But for me, that sort of kind of created this convergence of like if I could take my life experience, which is like it's fairly unorthodox, and like, for the love of mercy, someone please love me. My years of ministry at that point were like I deeply care for people and now sort of five, six, seven years of entrepreneurship to go. If I could squeeze all this together, if I could create what we today say is the intersection of a deeply meaningful life and a wildly successful career, then we would just say help people. If we could help people and do anything, if I could converge all those areas of life, if I could become an expert at anything, I would hope that I could walk towards becoming a people expert. How can I help people find a way to be seen, to be known, and what we would say now is to lead well.

Speaker 2:

And really the last decade has been sort of this big, huge experiment. I mean, if we're all, if we're willing to be honest with each other. Like I didn't wake up 10 years ago, I was like this is where I'll be in 10 years. Like you couldn't have convinced me that was going to be the case and like I think a part of that is is because probably the mostly luck and a touch of consistency of like just be good at what you're good at. Like you're not, you're not a sales expert, you're. You're not, you're not a systems expert for sure. Um, but you can find a way to say can you create environments to allow people to sort of reflect back?

Speaker 2:

And if we use sort of like aggressive language, like, if I can find a way at work, I think when people go to work, I think there's a small window to their soul that gets left open that we don't close all the way because we're at work. No one's going to try to get in there. I kind of feel like it's my job in the kindest way, uncreepy way possible. It's like how do I find my way to that window? How do we slide it open a little bit and go, hey, we're already here, we already found it. We might as well do a little bit of reflecting to go who are you? What do you want, like actually want not, not, not. What do you want anything in the world? Because the reality is you don't really want that. What do you actually want? And then what's like a single step you can take tomorrow. That's going to begin to walk you in the direction of the things you really want.

Speaker 2:

And I think over the course of the last decade that's led to things like identity mapping, which is a process we have to help people give clarity of who they are the confidence method which helps us really unpack the imposter syndrome, and where does that come from? And how do we even deal with that Influence appraisal for leaderships and teams? And we can go on and on and on and on. And the reality is is like each, each of those individual things, most people don't care about. What they do care about is saying do you see me, do you know me, and do you believe that I can do something significant in this world? And if the answer to all those is yes, and I think a decade later I can with deep conviction say 100%, I believe that to be true Well then, how do we help guide individuals to that place?

Speaker 1:

And how do we create a chance for every person to say there is something significant about me? And if I could find just the right word, maybe, maybe, then I could take the next step. Hmm, wow, okay, so that's really cool. So you're working with, like corporations, individuals, all different kinds of industries, like you name it. You got somebody out. Yeah, with what? Like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, so we, we would say that, um, you know, we, we're sort of even though it's not, not sexy, right Like we're sort of like industry agnostic. Like you're in healthcare boot cost of your shield, let's go Zillow software. I got you EXP. Realty say, let you know, like great, I'm glad that you love your industry. That's your job You're supposed to.

Speaker 2:

My job is not to be an expert in your industry. You should talk to your boss, like that's probably the person you should go to. You probably should come to Rocky. However, if you could find the place where, like you as a human being, take everything else away converges or sort of intersects with my professional ambition, like I'm going to get it have these goals really connects with, like my personal conviction, right Of like my life, my family, my relationships, If we could like take all those things and like squeeze those into one single connection point. My job is to not only create the environment, but to guide us to that point as often as we possibly can and then provide the tools and resources that we can exude and sort of find the clarity that then leads to the catalyst to create the life that we want. And so that's keynotes.

Speaker 2:

We do that through speaking Again. I'm not your typical 45 minute roll in, roll out. I have a good message, a good story to help you feel better. You can get that on YouTube. You shouldn't hire me Like you're going to be disappointed because I'm immediately going to be like yo, I need 90 minutes minimum. I'd prefer four hours. You know, and the typical conference is like that that we have 26 speakers. If we get across the stage today, I'm like, hey, guess what? I'm probably not a good person for your conversation because people are going to hate me. Or if you want to rattle some cages and you really want people to do the work, maybe, maybe we could try something new. So in our keynote space like again, we're not, we're not doing 30 minute pop in, pop out, I just I think there's some people that are great at that. I personally don't have any desire to do that because I think you can go get that on YouTube Like I don't think you need me to come to your event to do that for you.

Speaker 2:

We do that through no-transcript and then we create a plan for where you want to be. We take them through identity mapping and so on, and then we've got a program now called the Path to Proactive Leadership, which is our group leadership mastermind that we do ourself. We do that open. So we do that open. So, like, either of you can join if you decided you wanted to. It's a six month, that minimum six month commitment. We walk you through all of our methodologies, over 24 steps, to create proactive leaders. And so people go, yeah, but, but what am I going to get out of it? You're going to discover who you are, what you believe, what it is you really want and the next steps to take it. And if you think that you're going to do that in less than six months, you just go back to YouTube and then call me back in August and we can start to see right. So, like, just that's right, like I do the things you already know to do. Hey, that's not working, so let's do something specific. And so we do that both for individuals meaning anybody off the street can sign up and join that with us and then we do that privately as well, meaning we have organizations that call us and say, hey, can you do the path to proactive leadership? We've got 40 leaders we want to take through it and then we host that weekly for them, just specifically for that group. And so those are really the ways like I have found both.

Speaker 2:

If I could again, if I could intersect, like what is the market want? But I'm only going to give the market 50% of what it wants, cause the other 50% is like if I don't enjoy it, I don't want to do it. Like hey, we have, we have 30 minutes, we'd love to have you. I don't think, I'm sorry, I don't want to come. You know like well, there's going to be a thousand people there, great, if those 2000 will have me for 30 minutes, they are going to be so disappointed, like that's, this is a bad move for all of us. So I think for everybody and in any industry.

Speaker 2:

Maybe I get to be really fortunate because I've just decided that like I'm just gonna make some people mad and that's okay, but I think really of squeezing and going like yeah, I love speaking, I love workshops, like with teams, I love face to face, we do it, we do plenty of virtual, don't get me wrong, but like I love face to face. And then I love taking people through like the methodologies, because we start every keynote the same. If you leave today knowing more about me than you know about you, then I failed. You Like surely, surely you knowing about me is going to change your life, like that sounds like maybe, maybe your boy should like take it down a notch If I think that what I'm going to say to you and you know me so well is going to change your life, because you know who's not going home with you Me, I'm going back to my house and I like it, but I'm not going to think about you. Tonight at dinner I'm going to throw the baseball with my son, so like feels like we should give you some tools you can go in and take it back yourself. So that's sort of the way in which we I feel really fortunate.

Speaker 2:

But we get to sort of go to go to market like that, to say you have a keen owner experience or workshop, we'd love to do it and all the things that go along with having a really good program. Yes, or you, you really want to take a deep dive and you want to spend an hour a week with me, every week for six months minimum. We can get into the deep end, like we can get in and really get after it. But you know what you're experiencing? On the podcast. It's. It's just this for 60 minutes every week, and we do do it for 24 weeks minimum and see how far we could get.

Speaker 2:

Not because I'm going to tell you where to go.

Speaker 2:

I have no idea what Courtney wants for her life, no idea what Michelle wants.

Speaker 2:

It would be foolish for me to say if you hire me for six months I will take you to this place, because I have no idea where that place is.

Speaker 2:

I think most of us need some help discovering that place to begin with, and then we can think about walking to where we're going to get there. So again, I know I have found I've just sort of become more open to it and trying to be more honest is not the right word but just more vocal about going like it's a little unorthodox, it's not the typical thing, it's not the typical keynote, it's not the typical program, it's not atypical because we want to be different. I just want to be honest and I think it's going to take a little while you got to where you were over the last few decades. If you think I can unpack that in three months or less and change your life, I would rather you hire somebody else and go be disappointed with them. But if you want to be committed to you for six months, really show up for yourself, and you're looking for a guide to walk you down that path? Well then, I think maybe we might just be able to figure out how to get there.

Speaker 1:

So is it with you, or do you have a team, or is it?

Speaker 2:

It is. It is yeah. So all of our one-to-one coaching is with me, and then our path to proactive leadership is led by me. I leave that every week, tuesdays at 10 AM is when that, when that call is, and so I'm the one that leads that. We're about 30, this is just me all the time. Uh, so you can imagine some people are like, hey, I can't be friends with you, my guy, because you stress me out. So, uh, this is just me always.

Speaker 2:

And so it's 30, 35 minutes a week of like, let's get into it. What's our step? Let's learn about it, teach about it, talk back and forth. Here's your thing, here's what we're doing. Leave you out, say okay, on this step, go practice this this week, come back and talk about it. But it is me, I do all of our one-on-one coaching, I do all of our path to proactive leadership and so on. So we have a great team that helps me. Where I can just do this, I can talk to you on podcasts, I can do the things that I love, because here's the deal Don't tell anybody, but I'm pretty. Hey, we're in good shape. If you need me to do anything else, it's not going to be great. So we have a great team that, like, makes everything great. So when it's delivered to you it's actually usable, not just Rocky talking because he thinks he's good at something.

Speaker 3:

That's awesome. You've gotten rid of the 80% that you're not good at and focusing on your 20, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's true, and you know, let's be, let's call it 65, 65, 35. We're getting to the 80, 20, but we're closer than we used to be. Okay, we're closer, so, yes, the answer to that is yes.

Speaker 1:

Okay, before we sign off, this is putting you on the spot. But if you could give our listeners one pivotal thing to challenge themselves, to really dig into and reflect on, that could push them to a step up in their business, whether it's production, whether it's being a mother, like whatever it is in their life like, if you could give them one thing to ponder or one tool, what would it be?

Speaker 2:

yeah, so the, it will be easy and we may end up giving them two, but we'll give them one until you tell me I have to be quiet we give them two, and if they walk away with one, then that that's a win.

Speaker 2:

Okay, great, great. So number one, as I would say, is get out a pen and paper and I want you to write down what is every story that you can think of that has been told to you about you, from the time that you can remember. I'm talking two years old to 42 years old.

Speaker 1:

What is this?

Speaker 2:

Yep, yep. What are the stories that have been told to you about you? When you think about the things that have been said to Courtney or to Michelle, when you think through these things are like you are so this, you are to this. T O O, you are always this, you are never this. How come you just, how come you can't? Why do you always? You're just so? Uh, make a list of all those stories.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so so does that include what the stories you've told yourself?

Speaker 2:

those stories, Okay. So, so does that include what the stories you've told yourself? So we'll get there. So we start with. We start with okay, Okay, Don't jump the gun here. Don't take all my don't take, don't take, don't take my thunder yet Okay. So we start with.

Speaker 2:

We start with the stories told to us about us, because, number one, those are the ones that we cannot control. However, those are typically the ones that you know, for sake of a metaphor, that have imprinted in ink the greatest impact on who we are. So we start there, because, without our capacity, at least from my perspective, you know we sound a scale of zero to 10. Zeros, nothing. 10 is perfect. If we're not willing to go back to negative three. You ain't got nothing to write Like. You got it. You got to go back and go wait. Where did it come from, Right? So if one of you would be willing, cause we'll? We'll show folks like what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think someone, you've been told you're to that, you're to this, you're always this, you're never this, you're, so this, what's? What's like the first thing that pops into your head?

Speaker 1:

Hmm, hmm, wait one more time.

Speaker 2:

You're to this, you're so much to this, so this always that you're too much ah, okay, okay, perfect too, direct.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, okay, now here, here's. Here's why we say we start with this and what we're doing is we're sort of doing step one of the confidence method, and that's what we say, is what we use to break down our imposter syndrome. Okay, typically, lack of production, lack of sales, lack of connections, lack of networking, it is lack of belief. Right Cause we have a lot of folks who put in a lot of activity. They just mistake activity for progress and they wonder how come they're not getting where they want to go. Well, it's because we have these limiting beliefs. We have these, we have. We call it what you want Imposter syndrome, fear, doubt, obstacle're like, for the love of God, please call me back. You know, like you can't have both and then be one and say you don't have the other, so you've been too much, you're too intense, you're too direct.

Speaker 3:

I'm too intense. Now, We've both been told that. I would say Okay, great, great.

Speaker 2:

So what happens is is what that begins to put into our mind. Told to us about us always lend themselves to us, landing on the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. So in a moment where you watch someone's face, you can meet them for the first time. You go to have your first client meeting, you sit down to have a date, you're talking to your kid, you're talking to your sister and we say something and we watch their face because story of my life. And we watch them and they make that face that says, oh my God, not again. Like, can you just calm down? Like, why do you always have to? They didn't say anything to us. We read every part of it.

Speaker 2:

What happens is the stories told to us about us, which is you're too much and you're too direct, translates into a story we tell ourself about ourself, which is calm down, don't do it, they don't like it, they don't want it, it's not going to work for you. We would say that where those two stories collide, we use the word collision on purpose, because at any collision there's an impact. The impact of those two stories for most of us is feared out, obstacle or insecurity. Where those two stories collide. It creates a narrative that says you're not who you think you are, it's not valuable, people don't want it and you are too much. So you should calm down, and I'm not saying a hundred percent of the time, but a high enough percentage that it's potentially causing us to not get to where we want to go. Occasionally, what we would say is in that intersection Well, I know I cannot change the stories told to me about me. We're going to come back to that in a second because, typically, the stories told to us about us are a much greater representation of the storyteller than they are the main character of the story. Follow me, we'll come back to that in a second, though, but I can change the stories I tell myself about myself.

Speaker 2:

Not in a cheesy way, not in a get in front of the mirror and I am awesome and I am great. I mean, if you want to do your affirmations that way, knock yourself out. I'm not going to stop you, but I mean in a way that's very practical, very real, not optimist, not pessimist, just very realist. If you talk to yourself I mean if you talk to your best friend, the way that you talk to yourself most of us would have no friends if we said to the people we love most if you have kids, if you're in a relationship? I have a nine-year-old and a six-year-old. If I were to talk to my nine-year-old my oldest is a boy the way in which I talk to me sometimes I would be so embarrassed. Good point.

Speaker 2:

But, we daily walk around and talk to ourself and wonder why we're not accomplishing, achieving, caring, loving. Look in the mirror and love what we see or feel or what that's driven, because the only person talking to you is you. But where did it come from? Well, it came because that's the stories we're telling ourself about ourself. So what we would say is where we intersect those, we have to peel those apart to then discover well, let's just, let's not, let's just create space.

Speaker 2:

Not good, not bad, not positive, what's true, what's true? What's true is I'm I. I've only known you guys now for a total of maybe call it 27 minutes, okay, but I can tell you this. I can tell you what's true. You're both direct, you are both assertive, you both have deep conviction about what you believe. You are not afraid to say something that needs to be said. You have already licked your wounds from those before you that said it's not good enough, and you made a decision at this point in your life, you're going to just do you, no matter what. Now, the beautiful part about that is is like that comes to a place where we can say we just did. Is we named a confirmation? We just simply said what was true. Now, most of us struggle even to get there because that can feel so overwhelming to say there's something true about me, even though that's what we're all longing for, right, If we can and we're talking final step here I know you told me for one step, but we didn't want to just walk through the whole process the final step is if we can then go from confirmation, which is true, into affirmation, which is good. We take a story that was told to us about us. There was a greater representation of the storyteller than it was the main character of the story and we craft that into a narrative such that not only is it true, courtney, michelle, you are intense, but we don't put a period at the end. We simply put a comma so that we can translate it from a confirmation to an affirmation, and we end that statement with and you are good.

Speaker 2:

Confidence is simply the belief that something is good. Where you lack confidence is where you lack the capacity to see what is good. So for us, we would say one thing I can encourage you to do full circle get what is good. So for us, we would say one thing I can encourage you to do full circle get out a pen and a paper, write down the stories that are told to you about you. Where did they come from, but what is true? And then, if you can allow yourself, we'll go back to this one and I'll wrap it up here for us, where someone has said you're too much, you're too intense. Let me, um Rocky, translate it for you Not quite as good as Google, but pretty good. Anyone who's ever said you're too intense. What they said was calm down, like, take it easy, it's not that big of a deal. Like, just let it go, it doesn't matter. Let me translate for you what they were trying to say.

Speaker 2:

Courtney, michelle, I used to have drive like you.

Speaker 2:

I used to feel like I could exert myself and be confident what I was saying. But again and again in my life I experienced pain. I was hurt every time that I tried to be who I thought I could be, and I love you a lot and I don't want you to get hurt, but I don't know how to tell you that. So, instead of saying hey, calm down or you're too much, I'm trying to just say that I love you and I want you to be aware that you being you, not everyone's gonna like, but most people are going to love, but they don't have the words for that, and so we hold ourselves to an expectation that is unrealistic to the capacity of the person that's communicating it, because they lack the words.

Speaker 2:

And then we live the majority of our life based on somebody else's story of who we are, and that's not intended to be woo, woo. It's not intended to be like, oh, let's get deep. I'm talking just very realistic, practical ways on a daily basis to say how do I change the way that I see myself, the way that I talk to myself? And I promise, I promise it'll change the way that I see myself, the way that I talk to myself, and I promise, I promise it'll change the way that you show up on a daily basis.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that's a wrap. So good, so start with getting a pen and paper out. Yes, and that's right. Okay.

Speaker 2:

Get to work.

Speaker 1:

Challenge yourself. Write in the stories that were told to you about you.

Speaker 2:

That's right, hey, that's right.

Speaker 1:

Where can our people find you, Rocky?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, like I mentioned before, hey, check out these brows. Maybe you can get them anywhere on the web that you want to. So you can get them on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, TikTok, RockyGardscom on every platform, it's just RockyGards. Probably the best way to connect is either connecting me over on LinkedIn and or over on Instagram, where those are the two places we are the most. And if you're interested in you want to take a step for yourself or what we just walked through the confidence method, we have that delivered to you free as an ebook for you to walk through the whole process on your own. You can get that at rocky garzacom slash confidence.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Courtney, you got to like tell our listeners. Thank you, by the way, Rocky. We talked about this telling listeners about what they need to do too.

Speaker 3:

They need to watch this episode on YouTube at the Now Podcast for Real. So make sure you check it out and you subscribe to our channel and we'll make sure we put the link to all of Rocky's stuff on there so you can get on there and get your free e-book. So Now Podcast for Real on YouTube Subscribe and review this episode. Do some reviews. If you comment on there, we'll make sure to respond. We'll make sure Rocky can respond. This was a great episode. Thank you, Rocky. 52 weeks, one year 52 weeks.

Speaker 2:

Well done, well done. I so appreciate you all. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 3:

Thanks, rocky, have a good one.